Tuesday, 16 October 2012

tUnE yArDs aTtAcK

I walked into my bathroom. The room looked like a utility room all dusty dirty white with a big boiler in the middle of the room and no aesthetic quality at all. Nothing like a bathroom i would have in wake life. As i entered, many very large and spectacular spider webs came into view. These webs were unorthodox,  abstract , unpredictable and incredibly intricate... like psychedelic lace made by spiders on acid. Wow !! My curiosity and excitement spiked and were joined with the slight sensation of fear. eeek.  As i looked more closely i found dried old spider casings scattered around the room... they were a very pale brown discarded exoskeletons. I came to know at that point that this moulting spider to whom these castings belonged was none other than and strangely enough, Merrill Garbus better known as tUnE yArDs. How positively peculiar.  Being very much a fan of her music and thinking it unfathomable but somehow fitting that she was a spider and had chosen my bathroom as a resting place for her discarded shells... well my curiosity simply brimmed over to the point of my skin itching. A particular point in my hand began to itch more and more intensely and the itch went deeper. I couldn't scratch out any relief. Then a bump formed the size of a pea on the back side of my hand right between my tendons. My skin around the bump turned a greyish colour. The bump started to travel under my skin around my hand. This curiosity now was pretty well matched with increasing fear.The bump kept up its migration. I took a pair of scissors out and snipped an eye shaped hole in my hand... immediately a black eight legged spider came spilling out of my hand. tUnE yArDs !!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeg !! what are you doing in my hand ?!?!?!?!?!?!  Merrill scurried across my hand and sprang to the nearest wall. I was positively freaked out now i watched her intently. She turned to me and seemed like she was gaining her focus. then she sprang at me and landed on my neck ... and bit me ! !!!!!  I swatted her off and she landed on the floor. Then she sprang at me .. and again and again. I was positively under a tUnE yArDs attack. With much regret and as a result of being absolutely horrified, I through my shoe and squashed her on the wall. SPLAT ! Why did you have to do it Merrill.. Whyyyyyyyyyy !?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I didn't want to do it Merrill ... Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? as dramatic an ending there ever was.