Tuesday, 16 October 2012

tUnE yArDs aTtAcK

I walked into my bathroom. The room looked like a utility room all dusty dirty white with a big boiler in the middle of the room and no aesthetic quality at all. Nothing like a bathroom i would have in wake life. As i entered, many very large and spectacular spider webs came into view. These webs were unorthodox,  abstract , unpredictable and incredibly intricate... like psychedelic lace made by spiders on acid. Wow !! My curiosity and excitement spiked and were joined with the slight sensation of fear. eeek.  As i looked more closely i found dried old spider casings scattered around the room... they were a very pale brown discarded exoskeletons. I came to know at that point that this moulting spider to whom these castings belonged was none other than and strangely enough, Merrill Garbus better known as tUnE yArDs. How positively peculiar.  Being very much a fan of her music and thinking it unfathomable but somehow fitting that she was a spider and had chosen my bathroom as a resting place for her discarded shells... well my curiosity simply brimmed over to the point of my skin itching. A particular point in my hand began to itch more and more intensely and the itch went deeper. I couldn't scratch out any relief. Then a bump formed the size of a pea on the back side of my hand right between my tendons. My skin around the bump turned a greyish colour. The bump started to travel under my skin around my hand. This curiosity now was pretty well matched with increasing fear.The bump kept up its migration. I took a pair of scissors out and snipped an eye shaped hole in my hand... immediately a black eight legged spider came spilling out of my hand. tUnE yArDs !!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeg !! what are you doing in my hand ?!?!?!?!?!?!  Merrill scurried across my hand and sprang to the nearest wall. I was positively freaked out now i watched her intently. She turned to me and seemed like she was gaining her focus. then she sprang at me and landed on my neck ... and bit me ! !!!!!  I swatted her off and she landed on the floor. Then she sprang at me .. and again and again. I was positively under a tUnE yArDs attack. With much regret and as a result of being absolutely horrified, I through my shoe and squashed her on the wall. SPLAT ! Why did you have to do it Merrill.. Whyyyyyyyyyy !?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I didn't want to do it Merrill ... Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? as dramatic an ending there ever was.

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Rescue Rescue

 I was standing in a parking lot that was quite full with cars and people. There was a road running alongside this parking lot. I was standing near that road. Out of the corner of my eye I spot a baby crawling into the center of the street. As you would expect, the alarm in my mind went off and I bolted into the street as a car came racing up to the little one. With real force I ran to the baby and quickly swept her into my arms and carried her across the street. When the road was clear I crossed back into the parking lot to find the mother of this child. I found a group of woman and children standing around. They were unaware of the rescue and looked completely unfazed by the missing infant. The woman were yapping and chattering and clammering on. I shouted out "Whose baby is this ?!?!?!"
 A tall woman with a pale complexion and long brown hair looked over to me and with reaction that suggested indifference, said... "It's mine" and put out her arms to retrieve her child. "Your baby was crawling in the road !!" She didn't seem to mind and jerked her head backwards as if to say "hand it over". I did not hand it over. I couldn't. I moved away from the group to another woman standing by that had seen the event and told her that I didn't think this child was safe with this woman. She said you need to call child services. I said I don't know this woman at all.. I don't know. I held tight to the child. It was very very small. Too young to crawl really. I got on the phone and called child services and reported the incident. "I don't want you to take the child away. I just want you to scare the shit out of that woman". The mother was glaring at me and the other two women who now appeared to be her sisters. I hung up the phone. 

The parking lot environment shifted into a courtyard that led to my apartment with a hot tub in the centre. I was holding the baby to my chest. Somehow and without transition the baby found his way to my bare tit. He attempted to suckle. I was shocked by this and made uneasy but I let the process continue. I had never had a child and have never produced milk and somehow I was extremely curious to know if I would indeed produce milk for the hungry child in need of nurturance. He latched on and sucked.. hard... For just a moment or two when I felt a release and a moisture. And from a drop to a spray the child coaxed a mothers milk from a maiden. My right breast swelled up more plump than it had ever before. The milk rushed out of me and made a spraying/flushing type noise. I could feel the milk coursing through the ducts and out into the baby's mouth. My whole body came alive, I was ecstatic. I knew then I was to keep the child. 

The sisters came rushing out of my apartment carrying all sorts of my possessions. They yelled to me "You're not getting away with this".   

I followed them into what looked like a a candy shop with bright lights and a soda fountain... colors everywhere. The child protection agent was there and the mother's lawyer. They handed over all the items to their lawyer. "We're gonna put you away" they pointed, and shouted and showed their teeth. 

My sister arrived.. She saw my possessions on the counter and said "Ha ! Remember that time we..." I cut her off.. "Shhhhh. They are going to try and lock me up with these items" 
I had full confidence that through these strange events I had become a mother. 

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

This is a dream that I had when I was child that I can still remember...

In wake life I was taking an afternoon nap in my bedroom.
This room had no windows and the ceiling slanted all the way to the floor.
There were two single beds with a gap two feet wide between them. 
Other than the bed there was a chest of drawers. 
That is all. 
I was well on my way to sleep when the door to my room opened letting in a stream of light in the otherwise pitch black room. 
My sister appeared. 
It is at this stage that it becomes unclear to me whether I am asleep or awake. 
My sister stands in the doorway and looks at me she lifts her hands and curls her fingers into claws and makes a monster scratching gesture with a mean gnarly face showing her teeth as though she were a vampire or a werewolf or otherworldly demon. 
She made the noise of an angry cat. 
She gave me a very uneasy feeling, as you can imagine. 
The room fell dark again. 
My sister was now gone. 
I could see a luminescent green cloud in the room. 
I could feel this cloud. 
The same uneasy unsafe feeling that came from seeing my sister in her demon state intensified in the presence of this green cloud.
I was laying on my back observing the entity.
I could feel it as well as see it. 
The cloud hovered over me. 
Looking straight up at it, it descended upon me and pressed down on me pinning me heavily onto the bed.  
It held me there for a good long while. 
I couldn't move. 
I was powerless against it.  
This green force picked me up out of my bed and moved me between the gaps between the beds. 
My whole body was tingling from head to toe as I was suspended there. 
I was electrified. 
Then it dropped me. 
I woke up on the floor between the beds, my body tingling from head to toe. 

Friday, 22 June 2012

Atari Llama

It seemed like I was in Australia somewhere. I cannot be sure... there was desert surrounding me, and shrubby flora. I had come across an apartment that I was interested in renting. This apartment had a very strange floor plan as it was singular rooms stacked 4 levels high. The top floor was the smallest room and was painted yellow on the surface. The floor below was grey and had a slightly larger room. Below it there was a pink room still larger and finally at the base a blue room. The rooms were all locked so all I could do was look through the windows. The rooms were all very messy and gave off the impression that they were all very musty. Two friends of mine showed up. They took me into a jeep and we rode off into the desert.  We drove ourselves far into the wild sandy dunes. Everything was sand and sage coloured. It was very sunny, dusty and hot. We got out of the car and walked down a valley between dunes. There were two llama like creatures walking ahead of us. They weren't normal mammals . They were like digital llamas but before "they" figured out how to make 3 dimensional computer images. I will call them Atari Llamas. We walked past the Atari Llamas and approached an enormous worm. By enormous I mean the size of an Boa Constrictor. Somehow we knew that the worm's name was the Anarak. The Anarak wormed its way up to me and started to slide up my leg. It was soft and squishy. It began to wrap itself around my leg until its entire length was coiled around me. I didn't seem to mind. We and the worm continued walking until we came to the apartment building where we had started... we followed a corridor into a very industrial area of the building. We approach an elevator... the elevator door opened. I looked down at the Anarak that I happily carried that far and said to it "you won't want to come any further"  and it released itself from my leg. We entered the elevator and travelled up a level. The doors opened and let us out into a huge dark warehouse space. It kind of felt like a big movie theatre... there were many people coming in and out of rooms. My friends and I walked through this big dark space. One of my friends who happened to be male put his hand on my back side and gave me a little spanking . I liked this very much and thought to myself.. "my boyfriend wouldn't like that at all". We found the exit to the warehouse and it opened up into a college  campus courtyard where all sorts of students were chilling in the sun. I joined my friend Emma who was sat at a table. It turns out that we had a dinner date and it was time to order. When the starters came, we realised that we had ordered too much so I cancelled the asparagus and celeriac puree. We had just began digging into our food when we were all of a sudden drenched by fire hose streams of water being fired at us from around the table.  Like a fountain in reverse. I said to Emma, "They really shouldn't water the lawn in the middle of dinner" .  I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. I dialled my boyfriend's number. He answered.  I was suddenly in his arms looking up at him. As we hugged, swayed and smiled, he said to me, "You rent the apartment... and I'll buy a van" and sealed it with a kiss.

Thursday, 14 June 2012

Customer Service Dropout?

I was in a town much like Disneyland but without the rides. There were no real people living in this town... just tourists and poeple working in the town serving the tourists.
I walked into a shop selling vintage clothing. There was a load of ratty old sweaters and random musty discards..You know the smell of second hand clothing stores.. its very specific.. that odour was hanging in the fuming from the cloth articles and hanging on my nose hairs on their way to my lungs. There was a glass case with a big black feather collar made from the wings of a BIG black bird. It had a complimentary head dress made from leather and black silky hair. When I put it on it made me look like a horse. I was very keen to have it. It seemed to be closing time there at the shop but i was keen to purchase this head dress. The shop keeper however took  the head dress from my hands in a very passive aggressive kind of a way and rushed it out the door and into the cellar. I stepped into the cellar and said "Is that not for sale ? I'd like to buy it." She quickly handed it to a young girl who looked just like her.. And said "Sorry no... it's not for sale". I figure this girl was her daughter and her daughter wanted the head dress. The girl fixed it to her head hastily and galloped out of the cellar. The woman said to me.. there are plenty of other things to buy and she shooed me out of the cellar... she started throwing all sorts of beaded brooches at me none of which I wanted and all of which pointed pins stuck into my clothing. I ran from the woman as she darted beaded brooches at me... saying "This is a nice one.. What about this one.. Beautiful colors... Wonderful handiwork.. This one goes well with your jacket..."

Thursday, 7 June 2012

What's in your trunk?

I was in a country style restaurant that was set in a big log cabin... the kind that you would find in Jackson Hole Wyoming. Guy Garvey was at my table... we must have been having dinner... Although I don't recall any food. I just recall Guy asking me to go to the parking lot and find his friend. He gave me a little slip of paper with instructions on how to find his friend. I followed them to  a cool old german car called a Trabant. This is a car that is made out of paper mache. Very Cool. I slipped the key into the trunk and popped it open. There was a canvas cover pulled tight over the contents of the trunk and hooked into place. I unhooked the cover and it rolled back on itself (like a window shade) and revealed another canvas cover.. I unhooked that one, it rolled up on itself and exposed another and another and another until finally the trunk was uncovered. There was a stairway leading downward into the trunk... I threw my legs over the trunk of the car and on to the step and descended down 10 stairs and into a yurt that was about 15 feet across . It had grey felt walls and a handmade latticework frame.. it was glowing from fire light. There was a young man fully clothed sat in a claw foot tub with no water in it . I sat on the chair near the tub and picked up a comb made out of ivory... it was very very old and smooth and hard and it felt good in my palm. I ran the comb through his hair... long, black, thick, and strong... like Mongol hair. I combed it over and over and over  there in the yurt trunk of the papermache Trabant in the parking lot of the wood cabin country restaurant ....the rest after this becomes a blur...

Friday, 1 June 2012

St Vincent

St. vincent was standing in a junk yard near a rusty blue VW Bug whose nose was being eaten by the dirt. She was sat on an old railway tie near a fire pit with the ash and burnt out beer cans smoldering in. I approached her... she stood up. She was slight, wide eyed and curly haired.  She was not friendly first off. She gave me a very cynical look, one of exasperation when I handed to her my new album and introduced myself. Somehow and without words I expressed the desire to write a song with her... I dont know maybe I did this with interpretive dance... or perhaps through ESP... i dont recall. Having the record in her hand... something switched and her mood flipped as if a light was suddenly switched on... "Yes" she said with a big smile and big beaming eyes "I totally want to" ... She went digging around in her bag to find the CD that was in her hand and she couldnt find it. I stood there amused watching her scrambling through her bag for what was in her hand.. she wanted to know that a contact the cd... "Where did it go ?" she said bewildered. I grinned and pointed to her hand. She smiled and rolled her eyes. "Musicians" she said.

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

No drug or dolphin for me

I was in a house... the kind of house that you live in in your early years when you're just fresh out of your parents house.
The furniture was all very random and it had the look like many people lived there. 
There was about 20 people in the house. They were all 30 somethings and varying degrees of lovely and cool. Most of these hipsters lived in this house. 
I was in the living room with a couple who looked straight out of the 70's wearing polyester and big glasses... orange lipstick (on the girl). I made some kind of statement to her (which I can't recall) and she corrected me. I didn't like this at all and I did the most annoying thing.. I put my hands on her shoulders
the way you would do a child to try and set her straight. I tried to explain myself and I just felt her disliking me further. Her boyfriend then started to pipe up. We were then removed from the room. I was then in a room filled with people who made me really excited. I had the sensation like I was jumping up and down at the chemistry in the room. I felt inspired and alive and optimistic. A lovely young man who I was watching from across the room came up to me and kissed me on the cheek. He had a scratchy beard which I liked very much. 
He said, I love you. He looked me in the eye and then turned to go. I followed him and his friends with him down to a dock. There were dolphins lined up alongside the dock. There were also sea turtles.. full grown ones and baby ones. 
The boys all mounted each a dolphin and went surfing off !! I thought for a moment there would be a dolphin for me to ride but somehow I had missed my opportunity. We followed behind them in a massive ship into the vast ocean until the land disappeared. 
After some time we collected them and went back to the house. Back at the house I was asked to play some music. At the moment that I would begin I heard a honk. I went outside and there was a car sat in the drive. The young man who kissed me was in the car with a friend of his. He handed me a prescription bottle filled with drugs that I was to deliver to a friend.
He said that he would give me some too. He started trying to describe the drugs to me and told me I had to try these one particular ones.. He was on the drugs himself and wasn't doing the best job of explaining the effect they had but was able to say "they will totally just drugify you" I wanted the drugs and was eagerly watching him as he reached into his bag to find them for me when the alarm went off.

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Toffee Hair Tinker Toy

My hair was growing , long and black and straight like Japanese. It was spilling out 
through my scalp like fresh pasta through a pasta press. It reached my knees. It reached the floor
My scalp was tingling the most pleasurable tingle sending the sensation to my toes. My hair pilled 
around my feet curling over and over itself until i was ankle deep. It was heavy on my head
I picked up a larger than average fork and bent over to spin some of the hair on to the fork
like spaghetti. I fed myself my hair. It melted as it touched my tongue like cotton candy and it tasted
of chocolate butterscotch. Another fork full and another...A sugar rush... and still more hair growing 
now up to my knees. This next fork full was brittle like Toffee and broke between my teeth. I couldnt 
move. The hair now up to my thighs had bound my legs together. I started to shovel the candied hair 
into my mouth with urgency... the hair up to my belly button... up to my chest. I raised my arms over 
my head with the fork up to the sky as the hair pilled up and around my neck. You would think that i
would begin to fear for my life, instead i had reached toffee nirvana... sugar bliss. Something took hold of my hands
A very very large hand. The Hand picked me up by my outstretched arms. It lifted my up rapidly..like i was on 
some theme park ride.. In my ascent i saw a very large pair of tennis shoes  with the laces undone, 
girlie socks attached to very chubby 
legs...rolls of fat up to huge waves of ruffles made of huge calico print fabric... 
up past buttons and button holes the size of my head. The colors and textures...threads the size of my fingers wiz by my 
sugar spun eyes. And then more skin and the fat of a neck and a chin and a mouth, a singular tooth and very very wet tongue
coming closer and closer. And in i went... like a lollipop...toffee dipped feet first.. my hands dangling outside this big wet gummy baby mouth. 
Thank god it had no teeth. The candy encasement that bound me started to melt and flood babies mouth. 
I was able to crack my legs free... and there I was lying on my back in a pool syrup on top a very wet tongue and staring 
at the roof of this babies mouth. I reached up to give it a little tickle... I heard the baby laugh and its jaw snap SHUT !
Darkness. Oh dear....